What's a Battle Waitress?
by Emma Iveli
Summary: AU One Piece retelling. Right before the fight with Buggy, Zoro meets a girl who claims to be a Battle Waitress from the Future! What's weird is that she can back up the claims! Please R&R!
1. Who is She?

A/N: Well it's my brand spanking new story to celebrate the end of the Overhaul! All right! I've been meaning to do a One Piece/ Haruhi crossover but I couldn't think of a good plot. I got the idea from a Youtube Video Technomaru sent me (I won't say what's it is... but it's really funny) and that gave me this idea. It will be extremely AU with Haruhi (it's more in line with the craptacular movie the S.O.S. Brigade made rather than the Haruhi canon itself), it's also one of my One Piece re-do stories. Don't expect any other characters from Haruhi coming in any time soon, but I will say Haruhi will appear before they get to the Grand Line... won't say what her role is. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Melancholy Haruhi Suzumiya or One Piece, if I did, season 2 of Haruhi wouldn't have taken so long and deal with the person who distrusted episode 403 legally and not with frontier justice.

Luffy: Yeah... wait... what?

Emma: (takes out shot gun and leaves to kill the person)

What's a Battle Waitress?

By Emma Iveli

Chapter 1: Who is She?

Zoro gritted his teeth. He just had to join up with that guy. He had only known him for a day and his new captain was nearly eaten by a bird. He had hopped that pirate Buggy has seen him, for all he knew Luffy could be held captive by Buggy and is about to die. He didn't know Luffy very well… but someone how he knew that was probably the case.

"Excuse me." he heard a meek voice whimper.

Zoro turned around and saw a young teenaged girl, her hair was light brown and put into pig tails, Zoro assumed she was a waitress from somewhere in town, because well she was dressed like one… well for a Moe Café at least.

"If your looking for Luffy I know where he is Zoro." said the girl.

Zoro stared at the girl, "How do you know my name." he asked.

"um… well… you see." said the girl trying to think of something, like she said something she should have, "That's classified."

"Okay…" muttered Zoro with his eye twitching.

"follow me." said the girl meekly.

Zoro sighed and followed the waitress to a tavern, he heard a fight going on the roof.

"I take it he's on the roof?" asked Zoro.

The girl nodded. Zoro found a nearby fire escape and climbed up with the girl following him. That's where the two of them found well they were either pirates or clowns, but they were attacking a red haired girl who had stopped a fuse with her hands. Said fuse was part of a canon aimed at Luffy… who was tied up in a cage (figurines). They were about to attack her when Zoro stopped him with tow of his swords that were sheathed, stopping said pirate.

"All right Zoro!" cheered Luffy.

"I'm saved…" breathed the red haired girl.

The waitress showed no excitement or emotion… she knew what was going to happened before it even did.

"Wait did he say Zoro?" asked the red haired girl.

The pirates… or clowns began to talk amongst themselves.

"Zoro?" asked one of the clown pirates.

"As in the pirate hunter?" asked another.

That's when the captain of the pirates (mostly because he was dressed like one) showed up. Well it should also be pointed out that he was also a clown, with blue hair and a big red nose.

"So you're the pirate hunter Roronoa Zoro?" asked the pirate clown captain who was the fearsome Captain Buggy.

"I gave up that, I'm just a pirate now." said Zoro.

"Killing you would give me a nice feather in my cap." said Buggy.

Zoro muttered under his breath. But decided to fight him anyways.

"All right! Zoro! You can beat him!" cheered Luffy.

The waitress sighed, "He won't be able to beat him." she said sadly, "Buggy has a devil fruit that makes swords useless."

"How do you know that?" asked Luffy.

The waitress blushed and began to get flustered, "Well… well you see that's classified!" she cried out.

Luffy began to laugh, "You're funny." he said, "You want to join my crew."

Before his duel can start. Zoro quickly turned around and yelled out, "You can't just randomly ask people to join the crew!"

"Why, Nami's joining." said Luffy motioning to the red haired girl apparently named Nami,.

"I never agreed!" yelled Nami glaring at Luffy.

"I accept." said the waitress, "Oh… and my name is Asahina Mikuru."

"You just don't randomly accept!" yelled Zoro and Nami.

Luffy on the other hand was laughing, he was already liking Mikuru.

Zoro shook his head as he prepared his swords.

Zoro ran towards Buggy and sliced him all over, cutting him to pieces, Nami gasped in horror at what she saw.

"Are you sure Zoro is going to lose?" asked Luffy.

Mikuru looked down not saying anything. It wasn't time for her to tell them.

That's when all of Buggy's crew began to laugh.

"Why is his crew laughing?" asked Nami.

That's when Zoro felt a sharp pain in his side, someone had obviously stabbed him it… it was a floating hand. Zoro fell to his knees while Buggy miraculously reattached himself.

"I'm a Chop Chop Man!" laughed Buggy, "You can slice and dice me but you can't kill me."

"Chop Chop Man, is he a monster?" asked Luffy blinking.

An invisible arrow pointed to him saying "Gum Gum Man."

"Um… Luffy aren't you a rubber man?" asked Mikuru.

"Yeah, how did you know that?" asked Luffy.

Mikuru once again began to get flustered, "I'm sorry! That's classified!" she said.

Luffy chuckled, but turned his attention to Buggy, "Attacking from behind is cowardly!" yelled Luffy.

Buggy merely laughed, "Oh really?"

"That's right you big nose!" yelled Luffy.

That's when Buggy snapped…

"I cant' believe he just said that…" thought Nami twitching.

Buggy held a dagger in his hand when he launched the hand and dagger at Luffy. Luffy did a shocking thing, not only did he catch the knife in his mouth, he bit it in half.

"I'm going to kick your ass!" laughed Luffy as he bit it in half.

Buggy's hand came back to him as Luffy shouted, "Zoro run!"

"Why? He came to save you?" asked Nami shaking.

Before Zoro could do anything Mikuru called out "You're going to be fighting me!"

Buggy merely laughed, "Me fight a waitress? That's a laugh!"

"I am a battle waitress! I can fight." said Mikuru.

"Is that right?" asked Buggy, "Show me what you got."

"Nami, Zoro… please stand by Luffy's cage." said Mikuru in a tone that was both kind yet held authority.

"Whatever…" muttered Zoro going over to the cage.

Nami said nothing and followed the green haired former bounty hunter.

"She's planning something." said Luffy with a grin, hopping it was better than his plan of using Buggy's canon against him.

Buggy began to play with his knives, while Mikuru placed her left hand on a certain way in front of her left eye. Mikuru also seemed to have lost any confidence she had going into the fight.

"Mi… Mi…" said Mikuru meekly that's when she managed to shout, "Mikuru Beam!"

And that's when she shot off a beam from her left eye, causing a gigantic explosion.

"What the…" mumbled Nami.

"No way!" shouted Zoro.

"All right! I have a crew member that can shoot a beam!" shouted Luffy.

Little did they know there was so much more about Mikuru, so much more that things were going to get a little… um well strange.

Next Time: Mikuru reveals that she is from the future and it's her mission to make sure Luffy becomes the Pirate King... Guess who's the only one who believe here...

A/N: Once an arc Mikuru will use her beam which in turn will cause a large yet humorous explosion.


	2. Greetings from the Future

Chapter 2: Greetings from the Future

The good thing about the Mikuru Beam was that they were able to get away from the pirates (or clowns) the bad news is that it didn't kill them (or at least knock them out) but they were able to get away. And now Zoro was dragging Luffy who was still stuck in the cage in the middle of the street with Mikuru following.

"I can't do this any more" sighed Zoro falling down due to lack of blood.

"Are you okay?" asked Mikuru.

"I'm fine, I just lost a lot of blood." said Zoro who collapsed.

"I don't think that's fine." said Luffy with a sweat drop.

"Who asked you?" muttered Zoro.

Of course Luffy had a short attention span, he noticed a dog nearby and dragged his cage to it.

"Is it real?" asked Luffy.

"Who care." muttered Zoro who managed to pull himself up and sit up against a building.

"It is." said Mikuru.

That's when Luffy jabbed the dog in the eye… Mikuru was right, it was alive and it began to maul Luffy. Zoro sighed then turned his attention to the "battle waitress" as she put it.

"Who are you exactly and how do you know our names." he asked her.

"Well I'm not allowed to say until Nami gets here." said Mikuru.

"Hey." said Nami showing up (she got separated from the rest).

"Isn't it our navigator." said Luffy and Zoro.

"I never agreed to that!" yelled Nami.

"So since she's here." said Zoro.

"Oh right." said Mikuru, "I should explain why I know you're names."

Mikuru sighed, she began to blush.

"You see the thing is…" said mutter then squeaked out, "I'm the from the future!"

Both Nami and Zoro stared at Mikuru like she was crazy. While Luffy was so excorticated.

"Really your from the future!" he yelled out.

Mikuru nodded, "I can't when exactly." said Mikuru, "But I can say what my mission is . My mission is to make sure Luffy becomes the King of the Pirates."

"Oh wow…" said Luffy believing it.

"She's insane." thought both Zoro and Nami.

"So where your time machine?" asked Luffy.

"I'm sorry that classified." said Mikuru.

Luffy sighed then realized he can learn more about his future.

"What's going to my crew like?" asked Luffy.

"That's classified." answered Mikuru.

"Am I going to get a big ship?" asked Luffy.

"That's classified." answered Mikuru.

"You're not allowed to talk about the future are you?" asked Luffy.

"No, I'm not.," said Mikuru.

"Then how do you know our names?" asked Zoro.

"I was told for my mission." explained Mikuru.

Zoro stared at the girl, he wasn't sure whether or not to believe her or not… she did know his and Luffy's names… but other than that, there's no proof that she's the from future.

Nami just stared at the battle waitress and shook her head. She had to do what she came for.

"I stole the key from Buggy. You know, to thank you and your crew for saving me." said Nami.

She tossed down the key in front of Luffy's cage and the dog that mauled Luffy earlier… that's when the dog ate it.

"Why you little!" yelled Luffy who began to strangle the dog.

"Stop it Luffy! He didn't mean to do it." cried Mikuru trying to stop Luffy from killing the dog.

Nami and Zoro stared at the sight with sweat drops.

"What are you doing to poor Chou-Chou!" yelled a voice.

Everyone looked to see an old man who looked at little like a poodle.

After Luffy managed to stop fighting with the dog, the old man managed to get Zoro into another house and treat his wounds, he came out.

"Hey old man! Is Zoro okay?" asked Luffy.

"He's fine. I told him he could get treatment at the refugee camp, but he said all he needed was rest." said the old man.

"He is fine, after all he's going to have much worse wounds in the future." said Mikuru who covered her mouth while blushing and began to cry, "I wasn't supposed to tell you that!" she cried.

Nami couldn't help but to sweat drop while Luffy laughed.

"What with the dog." said Nami changing the subject

The old man began to explain about how the dog protected the pet food store (which was the building they happened to be in front of) after his owner died. And no matter what the dog wouldn't leave even if there was danger… the store was his treasure. After the pirates came the old man (who happened to mayor of the city) would sometime feed the dog (who happened to be named Chou-Chou).

"That's really sad." said Luffy.

"It is." sighed the old man.

Mikuru looked at Chou-Chou and held out her hand, he sniffed it and barked happily. He began to wag his tail as Mikuru began to pet him.

"Oh wow… he's a nice doggie." said Luffy.

"You have to be nice and calm." said Mikuru.

Luffy reached out his hand like Mikuru did… but Chou-Chou began to growl.

That's when there was a horrible roar.

"Oh no! It's Mohji! The Lion Tamer!" yelled the mayor.

The Mayor and Nami ran off… Mikuru stayed for a minute and gave Luffy a bow, "I'm sorry." she said.

She then followed Nami and the mayor. Nami was surfside that she followed them.

"Can't you use that laser form your eye to blow up that lion?" asked Nami.

"Laser from her eye?" thought the mayor with a sweat drop.

"Well… you see other than that first Mikuru beam against Buggy. I'm not allowed to fight on this island. I can't start fighting until the next fight Luffy gets into." explained Mikuru.

Nami began to message his head… why did she have to go after the map of the Grand Line… after all there were other ways of stealing a lot of gold, if she had known she would be dealing with crazy people here then she wouldn't have come.

That's when there was a loud crash, they turned to see that Luffy was thrown into a building that collapsed on him… the three ran towards him to see if he was still alive… which was… and mostly unharmed.

"Okay… that's not normal!" yelled Nami, "How are you alive!"

Luffy didn't' pay attention to her and just got up.

"I'm going to search for Zoro." said Luffy getting up.

"Okay." said Mikuru with a nod.

"He has no idea where's he going, does he?" asked Nami.

"No he doesn't…" said Mikuru shaking her head.

Nami sighed and looked at Luffy running off.

"Don't worry about Luffy. He's not like Along." said Mikuru kindly.

Nami slowly turned to Mikuru who had covered her mouth and was blushing bright red.

"How do you know about Along?" asked Nami in shock.

"Well… please… forget you even heard that… please.. I wasn't supposed to say that." cried Mikuru.

Nami sighed… she had two theories about Mikuru now… either she was telling the truth… or Mikuru was crazy because of some sort of psychic gift she had drove her to insanity. Either way… she really didn't want to know what was really going on… after all it was really weird.

Next Time: The battle with Buggy rages as Buggy deals many blows to the city will Luffy and his rag team of an injured swords man, a battle waitress from the future and a thief who wants nothing to with pirates be able to beat him... um.... hopefully!


End file.
